Normally those three little words would be a cause for celebration, but when it's Camp Dublin vs. Dublin, Ireland and not a pint of Guinness to be found then there is a HUGE difference. The sandstorm that left an inch of powder on Baghdad has disrupted the airflow and now I am just a needle in a stack of needles trying to get to Kuwait. Think the MeNSTiC-I LNO said there are roughly 160+ folks back logged @ Sather AB. Nice, very nice. So I am hanging out with the good folks @ Camp Dublin again today. And the hospitality has been awesome.
Rather than sleeping in a tent with about 30 others that are stranded, I have my own room and shower. No midnight walks to the head or cadillac for this kid. No hauling all my toiletries in the morning to the shower. No having to wear ear plugs because the guy in the next bunk is snoring like a freight train. Nope, I got nine solid hours of rack time last night. I have access to the Internet and will be able to chillax while I wait for the airflow spigot to be turned back on. And hopefully that'll be sooner rather than later.
What's that? Where is Camp Dublin you ask? Well, it is within the Victory Base Complex (VBC) which occupies the area surrounding the Baghdad International Airport (BIAP). Within the VBC you have about ten smaller camps with Camp Victory being the primary component. The Al-Faw Palace, which serves as the headquarters for the Multi-National Corps-Iraq (which will soon be renamed United States Forces-Iraq), is located on Camp Victory. For those of you that watch the Colbert Report, he did his show while he was in Baghdad from the Al-Faw Palace. Also within the VBC you have Sather Air Base, Camp Liberty, Camp Striker, Camp Slayer, and Camp Kloecker. Also within VBC are a few Iraqi run camps, and Camp Dublin is one of those.
The organization I work for has about a dozen folks assigned to Camp Dublin and are in charge of training Iraqi National Police and the Emergency Response Battalion (more on that later). The camp is right outside of Sather Air Base, so it is a convenient staging area for our organization when trying to get out of the country on leave or pass. All I know is that I am thankful it is here and sure do appreciate all the hospitality they have shown me.
Quas Out!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
OPERATION GRAB@$$
Hey Sports Fan, how's everybody doing back in the Land of the Big BX? Still livin' the dream here in Iraq. Surviving the heat (well into triple digits everyday) and the occasional 107mm rocket attack. There's been talk of an elevated risk of improvised explosive devices being brought into the IZ or Green Zone, but nothing noteworthy as of yet. Our Iraqi counterparts working the checkpoints are actually doing their jobs ... we'll see how long that lasts. So OPERATION GRAB@$$ chugs along at a snail's pace.
To fully understand and appreciate OPERATION GRAB@$$, we must first define what grab@$$ is. Grab@$$ is 1. an expression used to refer to horseplay being committed by others that has become annoying, 2. is normally associated w/ men and boys trying to avoid work or some other responsibility, and 3. and is commonly used in the Southern States. For our application we'll use the following ... a seemingly intractable mess or bureaucracy that impedes the free flow of progress. Yes, I like that. That's exactly what we have here @ MeNSTiCk-I. The prevention of the free flow of progress.
Here is a perfect example ... our organization wanted a specific Motorola radio to hand out to our training teams and physical security details (PSD) throughout Iraq, but the powers that be assigned above our organization didn't want to have multiple communication systems assigned under the MeNSTiCk-I umbrella that were not compatible ... which makes perfect sense. Why have four different communication systems that prevents the flow of information among individuals assigned to MNSTC-I. The problem is the system that was selected does not meet the requirements our organization needs in the field. So now we are stuck w/ 100 radios that are completely worthless to our organization, and they will sit from now till Iraq freezes over in a CONEX unused and unwanted. The fleecing of America in full stride.
Random act of dumbness you ask ... not even close. Prior to my arrival our organization ordered eight weapons safes to store long rifles, Berettas, and ammo in. Each safe is GSA approved and weighs close to 1,000 lbs. It took a small horde of Blue Suitors (TCNs or third country nationals) to bring all eight of those safes into our building. It was quite a sight to see. What's better is once they were all in place and unpacked we opened them up and to our surprise none of the eight safes have rifle carts installed. None. No drawers for storing ammo. None. So now we have a man sized safe, eight actually, that will sit unused till the rifle carts can be ordered. And get this ... that could be six months to never.
You see, the well has finally run dry. The days of purchasing 60 inch LCD TVs so that the 2-star can watch CNN or FOX News from his desk five feet away are over. But it doesn't prevent oversights from happening. Like when 10,000 power surge protectors were purchased from a local vendor that were not UL or CE certified and led to a couple of fires in the CHUs ... NICE! Or a second batch of power surge protectors (that's right, another 10,000) purchased from lowestbidder.com (otherwise known as China) that once again did not receive the UL or CE stamp of approval. And why would you purchase anything for use here in Iraq that was not 220 volt. Like the 30+ high security cross cut paper shredders that recently showed up at my door that now require a transformer to convert 220 to 110 to run. Like the good folks from Guinness say ... "BRILLANT!"
Now that's not to say the good folks w/ MeNSTiCk-I are not doing good things, because they are. From what I have heard, a year ago the Baghdad Police College closely resemble the Police Academy movies. Now they are churning out good, solid police. Not to mention the good work our folks are doing w/ border security and port of entry security. I would elaborate, but it would not be wise to give out too many details. We all know Al Qaeda gets all their good Intel from Facebook and Twitter. Any who, the hard work that individuals are doing over here is often over shadowed by the knee jerk reactions of those appointed over us ... case in point, the short -sided vision of prohibiting interaction between MeNSTiCk-I personnel and Department of State (U.S. Embassy) personnel.
At the heart of the matter is the different stance of the use of alcohol by the Department of Defense (DoD) and the Department of State (DoS). The DoD views Iraq as a combat zone, thus forbidding the consumption of alcohol except during approved holidays like the Super Bowl or Ground Hogs day. Yep, every red blooded service member assigned to the DoD in Iraq was able to drink two beers during the viewing of the Super Bowl this past January. As for the DoS, everyday is Ground Hogs day so personnel assigned to the U.S. Embassy can drink to their hearts content. And drink they do.
Now you can see where this can lead to some trouble. One, personnel assigned to DoD see this as a slap in the face since we are the ones maintaining the bulk of the peace here in the city. And two, when there is a will ... there is a way. There have been several occasions where a DoD member has forsaken the rules and taken a drink thinking nobody would be the wiser. But as any smart person knows, a good plan is only as strong as the dumbest person involved. Nine soldiers attended a soiree at the Italian Embassy about two months ago and decided that with only two weeks left on their tours in Iraq they would have an adult beverage ... or two ... or three ... or a bunch. Well as it would turn out, one of the members of their group decided he had had his fill and was ready to DRIVE back to his CHU for the night. And on our champion's way home he mistook a well position barricade for an open lane and plowed his vehicle into at 40 mph. Wait, it gets better.
Our champion is now dazed and confused (not a good think in the IZ) and wondering about the scene looking for any evidence (besides the Ford Explorer that is now embedded into the barricade) that would expose his drunkenness. Upon arriving on the scene and securing the perimeter, the IZ Police now turn their attention to our champion, who is refusing medical attention for his injuries and does not want to go to the CaSH (Combat Support Hospital). Luckily, our champion finally sees a familiar face and decides to open up about the incident in only a language they can understand ... Spanish. Well, as luck would have it this cryptic language called Spanish is also the mother tongue of two of the IZ Patrolman on call at the scene. So as our champion begins to spill his guts about the events of the evening to the medic, the two IZ Patrolman drink it all in. The demise of great men is often linked to their inability to visualize the consequent of their actions.
So after listening very intently to our champion's escapade of drinking at the Italian Embassy and attempting to drive back to his CHU, the IZ Patrolmen finally let him in on the secret that they too know Spanish and feel the intense need to have him perform a sobriety test. Well I think you know the rest of the story, but if not I will fill you in. He fails (no surprise there) the sobriety test and is taken to the CaSH for observation for his injuries. From there he was turned over to his leadership who upon questioning learned that our champion was not alone in his efforts. That's right Sports Fans, our champion forgot the golden rule of the corners (what, you've never watched "The Wire"?) ... you do not talk to the Five-O and you most definitely do not snitch out your brothers in arms.
What did our Nine Fine Soldiers (who only had 15 days left on their tour in Iraq) receive for their evening of imbibing? eeehhhhh! Time's up! Well, for our defendants, it's an Article 15 and a reduction in rank! And, for our champion, that's right, it's a court martial! Yes, Johnny! After violating General Order 1A and driving a vehicle while intoxicated, Staff Sergeant Joe Bag-o-donuts will have a long and prosperous career teaching typewriter maintenance at the Rocco Globbo School for Women! Thank you for playing "Should we or should we not listen to the advice of the galactically stupid!"
Now how does this one random act of severe dumbness affect the masses? Glad you asked, glad you asked. Well for starters, MeNSTiCk-I personnel are no longer allowed to associate w/ DoS personnel, or attend soirees outside of MeNSTiCk-I jurisdiction. Easy fix you say, not even close. There is no way NOT to intermingle with DoS personnel. They are everywhere over here. Most of the social events at the Liberty Pool and Union III recreation center are frequented by both DoD and DoS personnel. Hell, my flushmate (the person I share a bathroom with) is assigned to the U.S. Embassy. So how do I not associate with him? And you have no idea how many times I have left for work in the morning to find a trashcan full of beer cans or a bottle of wine. It makes my head spin, but alas, I take the high road (and I hate the high road) and do the right thing.
Wow, didn't mean to throw so much at you in one setting. It's been awhile since I have been able to sit down and properly write, but I wanted ... NO, I needed to get this down for prosperity before I make my long trek home next week for some much needed R&R. That's right Sports Fans, I am headed home for about 15 days of just hanging out by our pool and having a cocktail or two. Looking forward to spending some time with my wife and daughters and whoever else decides to show up at mi casa while I am home. And then it's back to MeNSTiCk-I for the remainder of my sentence, ummm, I mean tour. Quas ... OUT!
To fully understand and appreciate OPERATION GRAB@$$, we must first define what grab@$$ is. Grab@$$ is 1. an expression used to refer to horseplay being committed by others that has become annoying, 2. is normally associated w/ men and boys trying to avoid work or some other responsibility, and 3. and is commonly used in the Southern States. For our application we'll use the following ... a seemingly intractable mess or bureaucracy that impedes the free flow of progress. Yes, I like that. That's exactly what we have here @ MeNSTiCk-I. The prevention of the free flow of progress.
Here is a perfect example ... our organization wanted a specific Motorola radio to hand out to our training teams and physical security details (PSD) throughout Iraq, but the powers that be assigned above our organization didn't want to have multiple communication systems assigned under the MeNSTiCk-I umbrella that were not compatible ... which makes perfect sense. Why have four different communication systems that prevents the flow of information among individuals assigned to MNSTC-I. The problem is the system that was selected does not meet the requirements our organization needs in the field. So now we are stuck w/ 100 radios that are completely worthless to our organization, and they will sit from now till Iraq freezes over in a CONEX unused and unwanted. The fleecing of America in full stride.
Random act of dumbness you ask ... not even close. Prior to my arrival our organization ordered eight weapons safes to store long rifles, Berettas, and ammo in. Each safe is GSA approved and weighs close to 1,000 lbs. It took a small horde of Blue Suitors (TCNs or third country nationals) to bring all eight of those safes into our building. It was quite a sight to see. What's better is once they were all in place and unpacked we opened them up and to our surprise none of the eight safes have rifle carts installed. None. No drawers for storing ammo. None. So now we have a man sized safe, eight actually, that will sit unused till the rifle carts can be ordered. And get this ... that could be six months to never.
You see, the well has finally run dry. The days of purchasing 60 inch LCD TVs so that the 2-star can watch CNN or FOX News from his desk five feet away are over. But it doesn't prevent oversights from happening. Like when 10,000 power surge protectors were purchased from a local vendor that were not UL or CE certified and led to a couple of fires in the CHUs ... NICE! Or a second batch of power surge protectors (that's right, another 10,000) purchased from lowestbidder.com (otherwise known as China) that once again did not receive the UL or CE stamp of approval. And why would you purchase anything for use here in Iraq that was not 220 volt. Like the 30+ high security cross cut paper shredders that recently showed up at my door that now require a transformer to convert 220 to 110 to run. Like the good folks from Guinness say ... "BRILLANT!"
Now that's not to say the good folks w/ MeNSTiCk-I are not doing good things, because they are. From what I have heard, a year ago the Baghdad Police College closely resemble the Police Academy movies. Now they are churning out good, solid police. Not to mention the good work our folks are doing w/ border security and port of entry security. I would elaborate, but it would not be wise to give out too many details. We all know Al Qaeda gets all their good Intel from Facebook and Twitter. Any who, the hard work that individuals are doing over here is often over shadowed by the knee jerk reactions of those appointed over us ... case in point, the short -sided vision of prohibiting interaction between MeNSTiCk-I personnel and Department of State (U.S. Embassy) personnel.
At the heart of the matter is the different stance of the use of alcohol by the Department of Defense (DoD) and the Department of State (DoS). The DoD views Iraq as a combat zone, thus forbidding the consumption of alcohol except during approved holidays like the Super Bowl or Ground Hogs day. Yep, every red blooded service member assigned to the DoD in Iraq was able to drink two beers during the viewing of the Super Bowl this past January. As for the DoS, everyday is Ground Hogs day so personnel assigned to the U.S. Embassy can drink to their hearts content. And drink they do.
Now you can see where this can lead to some trouble. One, personnel assigned to DoD see this as a slap in the face since we are the ones maintaining the bulk of the peace here in the city. And two, when there is a will ... there is a way. There have been several occasions where a DoD member has forsaken the rules and taken a drink thinking nobody would be the wiser. But as any smart person knows, a good plan is only as strong as the dumbest person involved. Nine soldiers attended a soiree at the Italian Embassy about two months ago and decided that with only two weeks left on their tours in Iraq they would have an adult beverage ... or two ... or three ... or a bunch. Well as it would turn out, one of the members of their group decided he had had his fill and was ready to DRIVE back to his CHU for the night. And on our champion's way home he mistook a well position barricade for an open lane and plowed his vehicle into at 40 mph. Wait, it gets better.
Our champion is now dazed and confused (not a good think in the IZ) and wondering about the scene looking for any evidence (besides the Ford Explorer that is now embedded into the barricade) that would expose his drunkenness. Upon arriving on the scene and securing the perimeter, the IZ Police now turn their attention to our champion, who is refusing medical attention for his injuries and does not want to go to the CaSH (Combat Support Hospital). Luckily, our champion finally sees a familiar face and decides to open up about the incident in only a language they can understand ... Spanish. Well, as luck would have it this cryptic language called Spanish is also the mother tongue of two of the IZ Patrolman on call at the scene. So as our champion begins to spill his guts about the events of the evening to the medic, the two IZ Patrolman drink it all in. The demise of great men is often linked to their inability to visualize the consequent of their actions.
So after listening very intently to our champion's escapade of drinking at the Italian Embassy and attempting to drive back to his CHU, the IZ Patrolmen finally let him in on the secret that they too know Spanish and feel the intense need to have him perform a sobriety test. Well I think you know the rest of the story, but if not I will fill you in. He fails (no surprise there) the sobriety test and is taken to the CaSH for observation for his injuries. From there he was turned over to his leadership who upon questioning learned that our champion was not alone in his efforts. That's right Sports Fans, our champion forgot the golden rule of the corners (what, you've never watched "The Wire"?) ... you do not talk to the Five-O and you most definitely do not snitch out your brothers in arms.
What did our Nine Fine Soldiers (who only had 15 days left on their tour in Iraq) receive for their evening of imbibing? eeehhhhh! Time's up! Well, for our defendants, it's an Article 15 and a reduction in rank! And, for our champion, that's right, it's a court martial! Yes, Johnny! After violating General Order 1A and driving a vehicle while intoxicated, Staff Sergeant Joe Bag-o-donuts will have a long and prosperous career teaching typewriter maintenance at the Rocco Globbo School for Women! Thank you for playing "Should we or should we not listen to the advice of the galactically stupid!"
Now how does this one random act of severe dumbness affect the masses? Glad you asked, glad you asked. Well for starters, MeNSTiCk-I personnel are no longer allowed to associate w/ DoS personnel, or attend soirees outside of MeNSTiCk-I jurisdiction. Easy fix you say, not even close. There is no way NOT to intermingle with DoS personnel. They are everywhere over here. Most of the social events at the Liberty Pool and Union III recreation center are frequented by both DoD and DoS personnel. Hell, my flushmate (the person I share a bathroom with) is assigned to the U.S. Embassy. So how do I not associate with him? And you have no idea how many times I have left for work in the morning to find a trashcan full of beer cans or a bottle of wine. It makes my head spin, but alas, I take the high road (and I hate the high road) and do the right thing.
Wow, didn't mean to throw so much at you in one setting. It's been awhile since I have been able to sit down and properly write, but I wanted ... NO, I needed to get this down for prosperity before I make my long trek home next week for some much needed R&R. That's right Sports Fans, I am headed home for about 15 days of just hanging out by our pool and having a cocktail or two. Looking forward to spending some time with my wife and daughters and whoever else decides to show up at mi casa while I am home. And then it's back to MeNSTiCk-I for the remainder of my sentence, ummm, I mean tour. Quas ... OUT!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
A Day Without Sunshine ...
What's going on Sports Fans? Just another beautiful day in the 'Land of Milk and Honey'. Actually it's raining here, which is a refreshing change from the dust filled days we've had lately. Iraq has got to be the dustiest place on the planet. Every morning when I leave my CHU there is a fine layer of dust on the steps, barriers, and sandbags. Even the palm trees are gray from the dust in the air. It is extremely weird to be in a place w/ so many palm trees and not a drop of water to be found. Oh sure we have the Tigris River just outside the IZ, but from what I've heard the heavy metal content and oil derivatives are way too high for water sports.
Things here are really heating up ... and I am talking about the weather. By the middle of next week we should be eclipsing the 90 degree barrier, and that's when the real fun starts. It's not too unbearable right now walking around in full battle rattle, but come the end of the month it'll be a different story. I'm seriously dreading this summer. And I thought riding around in the BITC (Base Information Transfer Center) MDV (Mobile Distribution Vehicle) in the summer while stationed in Austin, TX was hot! Already have a set of ABUs and extra t-shirts at work to change into. Not just a hat rack. And I foresee several trips to Liberty Pool throughout the week to cool off. At least I have that going for me right now.
For those in the viewing audience yearning to know what the IZ (Green Zone) is like, here you go ... have you ever been to a border town along Texas and Mexico ... on the Mexico side? It's a lot like that, w/out the cheap cerveza and tequila. Burned out buildings and cars ... trash everywhere ... Iraqi militia lurking about looking for their next bribe ... zero enforcement of traffic laws ... college coeds being kidnapped for organ harvest. Ok, maybe not that last one, but there have been a couple of kidnapping attempts on civilians w/in the IZ (more on that later). It blows me away that buildings that we evaporated back in '91 haven't been touched. They still sit in ruin. Guess they figured ole Uncle Sam would be back eventually to rebuild. And for some reason Iraqi's have no concept of conservation or trash collection. They recycle tires by burning them in the street, they dispose of trash by letting it pile up anywhere convenient, they defecate in the bushes because they have NO COMMON SENSE!
It pains me that service members are in this God forsaken land trying to pick these people up by their boot straps and they wouldn't even help themselves. Know what every Iraqi w/ an education wants to do ... it's not rebuild his or her home land, oh no, no, no, no. It's to get out of here and immigrate to the 'Land of the Big PX'! Because deep down inside they know this place will never, ever be what the American government hopes it'll be ... a self-efficient, resourceful, democratic nation. Thirty years of Saddam Hussein's brutal rule have destroyed the strong government and civil institutions that once stood. More than a decade of economic sanctions has left Iraq's economy in ruins. Corruption and cynicism are the norm and ethnic tensions run deep.
When was the last time you picked up a newspaper and didn't find a news story about a suicide bomber in Iraq? Google "suicide bomber Iraq" and you will find 1,773 related articles. NICE! These people live for this nonsense. They thrive in chaos. "A day w/out blood is like a day w/out sunshine" (name the movie). And do you really think the horror will stop when we finally pull chalks in 18 months (or whenever the current administration pops smoke)? This place will turn on itself quicker than Terrell Owens does w/ his current quarterback! Seriously, does anyone think T.O. is going to work out in Buffalo? What the hell is that all about? But I digress.
All I know right now is that Day 84 is almost in the books for OPERATION GRAB-ASS. Oh ya, everything we do here @ MNSTC-I is grab-ass. Always reactionary, never visionary. Twelve full weeks of futility. Since I've been here our section has sent a soldier home for general stupidity, reassigned another for all around ineptitude, and have two more on the ropes. Someone please send me an Airman or a Marine! It's going to be a fun year!
Quas, out!
Things here are really heating up ... and I am talking about the weather. By the middle of next week we should be eclipsing the 90 degree barrier, and that's when the real fun starts. It's not too unbearable right now walking around in full battle rattle, but come the end of the month it'll be a different story. I'm seriously dreading this summer. And I thought riding around in the BITC (Base Information Transfer Center) MDV (Mobile Distribution Vehicle) in the summer while stationed in Austin, TX was hot! Already have a set of ABUs and extra t-shirts at work to change into. Not just a hat rack. And I foresee several trips to Liberty Pool throughout the week to cool off. At least I have that going for me right now.
For those in the viewing audience yearning to know what the IZ (Green Zone) is like, here you go ... have you ever been to a border town along Texas and Mexico ... on the Mexico side? It's a lot like that, w/out the cheap cerveza and tequila. Burned out buildings and cars ... trash everywhere ... Iraqi militia lurking about looking for their next bribe ... zero enforcement of traffic laws ... college coeds being kidnapped for organ harvest. Ok, maybe not that last one, but there have been a couple of kidnapping attempts on civilians w/in the IZ (more on that later). It blows me away that buildings that we evaporated back in '91 haven't been touched. They still sit in ruin. Guess they figured ole Uncle Sam would be back eventually to rebuild. And for some reason Iraqi's have no concept of conservation or trash collection. They recycle tires by burning them in the street, they dispose of trash by letting it pile up anywhere convenient, they defecate in the bushes because they have NO COMMON SENSE!
It pains me that service members are in this God forsaken land trying to pick these people up by their boot straps and they wouldn't even help themselves. Know what every Iraqi w/ an education wants to do ... it's not rebuild his or her home land, oh no, no, no, no. It's to get out of here and immigrate to the 'Land of the Big PX'! Because deep down inside they know this place will never, ever be what the American government hopes it'll be ... a self-efficient, resourceful, democratic nation. Thirty years of Saddam Hussein's brutal rule have destroyed the strong government and civil institutions that once stood. More than a decade of economic sanctions has left Iraq's economy in ruins. Corruption and cynicism are the norm and ethnic tensions run deep.
When was the last time you picked up a newspaper and didn't find a news story about a suicide bomber in Iraq? Google "suicide bomber Iraq" and you will find 1,773 related articles. NICE! These people live for this nonsense. They thrive in chaos. "A day w/out blood is like a day w/out sunshine" (name the movie). And do you really think the horror will stop when we finally pull chalks in 18 months (or whenever the current administration pops smoke)? This place will turn on itself quicker than Terrell Owens does w/ his current quarterback! Seriously, does anyone think T.O. is going to work out in Buffalo? What the hell is that all about? But I digress.
All I know right now is that Day 84 is almost in the books for OPERATION GRAB-ASS. Oh ya, everything we do here @ MNSTC-I is grab-ass. Always reactionary, never visionary. Twelve full weeks of futility. Since I've been here our section has sent a soldier home for general stupidity, reassigned another for all around ineptitude, and have two more on the ropes. Someone please send me an Airman or a Marine! It's going to be a fun year!
Quas, out!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Al Udeid
If the IZ is the equivalent to blue collar prison (or Federal pound me in the arse prison), then Al Udeid AB is the white collar equivalent. This is where all the folks from Air ETC (Air Education Training Command or Ain’t Even Thinkin’ Combat) go when they deploy. No need to bring a weapon, no need to wear your full battle rattle (Interceptor Body Armor w/ Kevlar helmet), no threat of incoming rockets or indirect fire, and no threat of any of the multiple types of improvised explosive devices (IED) currently on the market here in Iraq (more on those later). Nope, your one and only worry while in Qatar is that you must have a reflective belt w/ you at all times. AT … ALL … TIMES. Fear the Reflective Belt!
Seriously, I do not know how many times I was reminded to wear that damn reflective belt while I was at Al Udeid. Every briefer during inprocessing ended their briefing with the words “you must wear your reflective belt while you are here at Al Udeid.” This is insanity. “NO, THIS … IS … QATAR!” Now I can see the need to wear this reflective device while working on the flight line to avoid getting squashed by a C-130 or a C-17, but just to walk from your room to the DFAC (Dining Facility) or the BX (Base Exchange) is overkill. One, Al Udeid AB is better lighted than the street I live on in Ohio. And second, the Air Force has already equipped each member of the service w/ the greatest reflective device known to man … the Air Force PT (Physical Training) uniform.
The Air Force, through the use of space age polymers and technologies and with help from the lowest bidder, has a developed a fitness uniform w/ reflective piping that is visible from outer space. Other added features include the ability to blind oncoming motorist when headlights flash across the reflective piping and anti-stealth notification system that announces your arrival minutes prior to actually getting to your destination. The wicking feature on the shirts is nonexistent and the shorts were designed by Richard Simmons (can they be any shorter?). Other than that, it’s another great product sponsored by the United States Air Force and Cheapo Running Apparel Production. Note to Air Force officials … recruit Phil Knight to develop a cool PT uniform … I’m sure he’d come up w/ something cooler than this …http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:USAF_PT_Uniform.jpg.
Back to the Deid … another key feature at Al Udeid is that every individual stationed at or passing through is rationed three beers a day. Upon checking into Billeting (lodging) to get our tent assignments, an individual asked how many folks would like a ration card … you know I was first in line. Now, back in 2004 this was a pretty sweet deal. Three sixteen oz. cans from some of Europe’s big brewers … Carlsberg, Becks, Amstel Light, Tuborg, Smithwick’s. Oh how times have changed. The cans are smaller (12 oz.) and the names are much more American … Bud, Bud Light, MGD, Miller Lite. In their defense they did have Stella and Heineken available for the non-hillbillies in attendance. They also have an assortment of liquor available for mixed drinks. You know the little bottles of booze you’d find on most airlines or in hotel mini bars. And I do believe they have wine coolers and beverages of that nature as well. Any who, I enjoyed my three Stellas under the Bra.
Yes, you read that correctly. Al Udeid has a huge awning that from a distance looks like one of Madonna’s bras from her Blonde Ambition tour (ya, I Googled that!). And everyone and their brother hangs out there at all hours of the day or night. One, its right next to the alcohol distribution point and b) it’s one of the main Wi-Fi areas on the Deid. So no matter what time it is, this place is a buzz w/ activity. Imagine a Starbucks on a busy morning w/ everyone on their laptop connected to the Internet … now multiply that by 100! Seriously, it’s a like a paste eaters convention w/ everyone glued to their laptops. What’s really funny is half these folks can’t map to a network drive or open a PowerPoint presentation, but they can Yahoo Messenger like a pimply-faced thirteen year-old girl. Hell ya, go Air Force!
Seriously, I do not know how many times I was reminded to wear that damn reflective belt while I was at Al Udeid. Every briefer during inprocessing ended their briefing with the words “you must wear your reflective belt while you are here at Al Udeid.” This is insanity. “NO, THIS … IS … QATAR!” Now I can see the need to wear this reflective device while working on the flight line to avoid getting squashed by a C-130 or a C-17, but just to walk from your room to the DFAC (Dining Facility) or the BX (Base Exchange) is overkill. One, Al Udeid AB is better lighted than the street I live on in Ohio. And second, the Air Force has already equipped each member of the service w/ the greatest reflective device known to man … the Air Force PT (Physical Training) uniform.
The Air Force, through the use of space age polymers and technologies and with help from the lowest bidder, has a developed a fitness uniform w/ reflective piping that is visible from outer space. Other added features include the ability to blind oncoming motorist when headlights flash across the reflective piping and anti-stealth notification system that announces your arrival minutes prior to actually getting to your destination. The wicking feature on the shirts is nonexistent and the shorts were designed by Richard Simmons (can they be any shorter?). Other than that, it’s another great product sponsored by the United States Air Force and Cheapo Running Apparel Production. Note to Air Force officials … recruit Phil Knight to develop a cool PT uniform … I’m sure he’d come up w/ something cooler than this …http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:USAF_PT_Uniform.jpg.
Back to the Deid … another key feature at Al Udeid is that every individual stationed at or passing through is rationed three beers a day. Upon checking into Billeting (lodging) to get our tent assignments, an individual asked how many folks would like a ration card … you know I was first in line. Now, back in 2004 this was a pretty sweet deal. Three sixteen oz. cans from some of Europe’s big brewers … Carlsberg, Becks, Amstel Light, Tuborg, Smithwick’s. Oh how times have changed. The cans are smaller (12 oz.) and the names are much more American … Bud, Bud Light, MGD, Miller Lite. In their defense they did have Stella and Heineken available for the non-hillbillies in attendance. They also have an assortment of liquor available for mixed drinks. You know the little bottles of booze you’d find on most airlines or in hotel mini bars. And I do believe they have wine coolers and beverages of that nature as well. Any who, I enjoyed my three Stellas under the Bra.
Yes, you read that correctly. Al Udeid has a huge awning that from a distance looks like one of Madonna’s bras from her Blonde Ambition tour (ya, I Googled that!). And everyone and their brother hangs out there at all hours of the day or night. One, its right next to the alcohol distribution point and b) it’s one of the main Wi-Fi areas on the Deid. So no matter what time it is, this place is a buzz w/ activity. Imagine a Starbucks on a busy morning w/ everyone on their laptop connected to the Internet … now multiply that by 100! Seriously, it’s a like a paste eaters convention w/ everyone glued to their laptops. What’s really funny is half these folks can’t map to a network drive or open a PowerPoint presentation, but they can Yahoo Messenger like a pimply-faced thirteen year-old girl. Hell ya, go Air Force!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Tales from the Sandbox
What’s going on Sports Fans? Hope all is well in your neck of the woods. Just a quick note from the world’s only prison where the inmates have no desire to go outside the wire …
As you all know I am currently deployed over in the International Zone (IZ) in beautiful downtown Baghdad, Iraq. The crown jewel of Mesopotamia … the cradle of civilization … the epicenter for U.S. Armed forces in Iraq. I was lucky enough to land a gig working in the Admin Support section for the Directorate of Interior Affairs (DoIA), Multi-National Security Transition Command-Iraq (MNSTC-I, pronounced men-sticky). Our primary mission w/in MNSTC-I is to organize, train, and equip the Iraqi Security Forces (ISF). Working w/ the Iraqis, MNSTC-I is responsible for taking new recruits through basic and specialized training. Within DoIA, our mission is to assist the Ministry of Interior (Iraq) to complete generation of professional, credible police forces (their words, not mine) while developing institutional capacity to acquire, train, develop, manage, sustain, and resource those forces, leading to self-reliance and maintenance of the rule of law in Iraq. Or the term the two-star used, Iraqi Good Enough (more on that later).
My little slice of heaven (Admin Support) is responsible for a myriad of tasks ranging from property book management, personnel management, postal operations, client support administration (CSA), records management, and a slew of other miscellaneous nonsense. As for my duties, I am the Information Management Officer (IMO, the Army’s equivalent to the Air Force’s CSA program) and SharePoint Knowledge manager. I’m also responsible for the general oversight of the day to day operation of the Admin Support section, i.e. I baby sit three junior enlisted Army soldiers to prevent them form doing something stupid (trust me, this is an every day job) . This last duty will seriously test my will to live, but more on the dynamics of my office later.
The trip over the pond wasn’t as terrible as some in the past. The plane left on time out of Baltimore and made its way to Ramstein Air Base, Germany. And my layover in Baltimore was made a little more enjoyable w/ a visit from my brother from another mother. Hey Darryel, thanks for making the trip from D.C. to BWI. I sure do appreciate the effort … that was awesome! Back to the trip … the APOD (Aerial Port of Debarkation) at Ramstein AB was very nice. There was an USO w/ access to the Internet, a Subway, and a very nice coffee shop. Thank God I grabbed something from Subway and the coffee shop to take w/ me on our next leg to Aviano AB, Italy, because no sooner had I gotten on the jet than we were informed that conditions down at Aviano AB were not conducive for us to depart. Thus, we were delayed for 2 hours unit the airfield reopened. Once we were cleared to travel, it took another hour to de-ice the aircraft. So that’s three hours sitting on the tarmac at Ramstein AB. Wait, it gets better …
Now we’re in transit to Aviano AB for what should be a 90 minute flight … well after circling Aviano for close to 3 hours we were finally diverted to Venice to land. And because of security issues, we were not allowed to exit the plane. So there we sat waiting for bus transportation to be arranged for the folks getting on/off at Aviano AB. Oh ya, did I mention we had several, SEVERAL, families on board w/ us. Ya, lots and lots of little kids under the age of three that A) didn’t really enjoy the trip across the pond, and 2) didn’t enjoy being cooped up on the plane since Ramstein. Needless to say, the service members headed down range were glad to see the little tykes debark in Italy.
Due to these events, we are now 6 hours behind schedule. And that actually turned out to be a good thing. We eventually landed @ Al Udeid AB in Qatar around 6 in the morning, which sure beats midnight. Once at Al Udeid, we were indoctrinated into the AOR (Area of Responsibility) w/ a multitude of briefings. What not to do in theater, what not to do in theater, and most importantly, WHAT NOT TO DO WHILE IN THEATER! First rule of Fight Club is that you do not talk about Fight Club and the second rule of Fight Club is that YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB! No pornographic material, no battery/hand operated boyfriends (BOBs/HOBs), no alcohol, no crystal meth, no fireworks, no propane or propane byproducts and so forth and so on. Fireworks … really … somebody in the past has tried to bring fireworks into the country. Really? Damn hillbilly! So after five hours of mandatory fun we were finally released to find our transitory tent and get some rest till the next leg of our trip.
Now let’s talk about the desert oasis called Al Udeid AB …
As you all know I am currently deployed over in the International Zone (IZ) in beautiful downtown Baghdad, Iraq. The crown jewel of Mesopotamia … the cradle of civilization … the epicenter for U.S. Armed forces in Iraq. I was lucky enough to land a gig working in the Admin Support section for the Directorate of Interior Affairs (DoIA), Multi-National Security Transition Command-Iraq (MNSTC-I, pronounced men-sticky). Our primary mission w/in MNSTC-I is to organize, train, and equip the Iraqi Security Forces (ISF). Working w/ the Iraqis, MNSTC-I is responsible for taking new recruits through basic and specialized training. Within DoIA, our mission is to assist the Ministry of Interior (Iraq) to complete generation of professional, credible police forces (their words, not mine) while developing institutional capacity to acquire, train, develop, manage, sustain, and resource those forces, leading to self-reliance and maintenance of the rule of law in Iraq. Or the term the two-star used, Iraqi Good Enough (more on that later).
My little slice of heaven (Admin Support) is responsible for a myriad of tasks ranging from property book management, personnel management, postal operations, client support administration (CSA), records management, and a slew of other miscellaneous nonsense. As for my duties, I am the Information Management Officer (IMO, the Army’s equivalent to the Air Force’s CSA program) and SharePoint Knowledge manager. I’m also responsible for the general oversight of the day to day operation of the Admin Support section, i.e. I baby sit three junior enlisted Army soldiers to prevent them form doing something stupid (trust me, this is an every day job) . This last duty will seriously test my will to live, but more on the dynamics of my office later.
The trip over the pond wasn’t as terrible as some in the past. The plane left on time out of Baltimore and made its way to Ramstein Air Base, Germany. And my layover in Baltimore was made a little more enjoyable w/ a visit from my brother from another mother. Hey Darryel, thanks for making the trip from D.C. to BWI. I sure do appreciate the effort … that was awesome! Back to the trip … the APOD (Aerial Port of Debarkation) at Ramstein AB was very nice. There was an USO w/ access to the Internet, a Subway, and a very nice coffee shop. Thank God I grabbed something from Subway and the coffee shop to take w/ me on our next leg to Aviano AB, Italy, because no sooner had I gotten on the jet than we were informed that conditions down at Aviano AB were not conducive for us to depart. Thus, we were delayed for 2 hours unit the airfield reopened. Once we were cleared to travel, it took another hour to de-ice the aircraft. So that’s three hours sitting on the tarmac at Ramstein AB. Wait, it gets better …
Now we’re in transit to Aviano AB for what should be a 90 minute flight … well after circling Aviano for close to 3 hours we were finally diverted to Venice to land. And because of security issues, we were not allowed to exit the plane. So there we sat waiting for bus transportation to be arranged for the folks getting on/off at Aviano AB. Oh ya, did I mention we had several, SEVERAL, families on board w/ us. Ya, lots and lots of little kids under the age of three that A) didn’t really enjoy the trip across the pond, and 2) didn’t enjoy being cooped up on the plane since Ramstein. Needless to say, the service members headed down range were glad to see the little tykes debark in Italy.
Due to these events, we are now 6 hours behind schedule. And that actually turned out to be a good thing. We eventually landed @ Al Udeid AB in Qatar around 6 in the morning, which sure beats midnight. Once at Al Udeid, we were indoctrinated into the AOR (Area of Responsibility) w/ a multitude of briefings. What not to do in theater, what not to do in theater, and most importantly, WHAT NOT TO DO WHILE IN THEATER! First rule of Fight Club is that you do not talk about Fight Club and the second rule of Fight Club is that YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB! No pornographic material, no battery/hand operated boyfriends (BOBs/HOBs), no alcohol, no crystal meth, no fireworks, no propane or propane byproducts and so forth and so on. Fireworks … really … somebody in the past has tried to bring fireworks into the country. Really? Damn hillbilly! So after five hours of mandatory fun we were finally released to find our transitory tent and get some rest till the next leg of our trip.
Now let’s talk about the desert oasis called Al Udeid AB …
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