If the IZ is the equivalent to blue collar prison (or Federal pound me in the arse prison), then Al Udeid AB is the white collar equivalent. This is where all the folks from Air ETC (Air Education Training Command or Ain’t Even Thinkin’ Combat) go when they deploy. No need to bring a weapon, no need to wear your full battle rattle (Interceptor Body Armor w/ Kevlar helmet), no threat of incoming rockets or indirect fire, and no threat of any of the multiple types of improvised explosive devices (IED) currently on the market here in Iraq (more on those later). Nope, your one and only worry while in Qatar is that you must have a reflective belt w/ you at all times. AT … ALL … TIMES. Fear the Reflective Belt!
Seriously, I do not know how many times I was reminded to wear that damn reflective belt while I was at Al Udeid. Every briefer during inprocessing ended their briefing with the words “you must wear your reflective belt while you are here at Al Udeid.” This is insanity. “NO, THIS … IS … QATAR!” Now I can see the need to wear this reflective device while working on the flight line to avoid getting squashed by a C-130 or a C-17, but just to walk from your room to the DFAC (Dining Facility) or the BX (Base Exchange) is overkill. One, Al Udeid AB is better lighted than the street I live on in Ohio. And second, the Air Force has already equipped each member of the service w/ the greatest reflective device known to man … the Air Force PT (Physical Training) uniform.
The Air Force, through the use of space age polymers and technologies and with help from the lowest bidder, has a developed a fitness uniform w/ reflective piping that is visible from outer space. Other added features include the ability to blind oncoming motorist when headlights flash across the reflective piping and anti-stealth notification system that announces your arrival minutes prior to actually getting to your destination. The wicking feature on the shirts is nonexistent and the shorts were designed by Richard Simmons (can they be any shorter?). Other than that, it’s another great product sponsored by the United States Air Force and Cheapo Running Apparel Production. Note to Air Force officials … recruit Phil Knight to develop a cool PT uniform … I’m sure he’d come up w/ something cooler than this …http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:USAF_PT_Uniform.jpg.
Back to the Deid … another key feature at Al Udeid is that every individual stationed at or passing through is rationed three beers a day. Upon checking into Billeting (lodging) to get our tent assignments, an individual asked how many folks would like a ration card … you know I was first in line. Now, back in 2004 this was a pretty sweet deal. Three sixteen oz. cans from some of Europe’s big brewers … Carlsberg, Becks, Amstel Light, Tuborg, Smithwick’s. Oh how times have changed. The cans are smaller (12 oz.) and the names are much more American … Bud, Bud Light, MGD, Miller Lite. In their defense they did have Stella and Heineken available for the non-hillbillies in attendance. They also have an assortment of liquor available for mixed drinks. You know the little bottles of booze you’d find on most airlines or in hotel mini bars. And I do believe they have wine coolers and beverages of that nature as well. Any who, I enjoyed my three Stellas under the Bra.
Yes, you read that correctly. Al Udeid has a huge awning that from a distance looks like one of Madonna’s bras from her Blonde Ambition tour (ya, I Googled that!). And everyone and their brother hangs out there at all hours of the day or night. One, its right next to the alcohol distribution point and b) it’s one of the main Wi-Fi areas on the Deid. So no matter what time it is, this place is a buzz w/ activity. Imagine a Starbucks on a busy morning w/ everyone on their laptop connected to the Internet … now multiply that by 100! Seriously, it’s a like a paste eaters convention w/ everyone glued to their laptops. What’s really funny is half these folks can’t map to a network drive or open a PowerPoint presentation, but they can Yahoo Messenger like a pimply-faced thirteen year-old girl. Hell ya, go Air Force!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Tales from the Sandbox
What’s going on Sports Fans? Hope all is well in your neck of the woods. Just a quick note from the world’s only prison where the inmates have no desire to go outside the wire …
As you all know I am currently deployed over in the International Zone (IZ) in beautiful downtown Baghdad, Iraq. The crown jewel of Mesopotamia … the cradle of civilization … the epicenter for U.S. Armed forces in Iraq. I was lucky enough to land a gig working in the Admin Support section for the Directorate of Interior Affairs (DoIA), Multi-National Security Transition Command-Iraq (MNSTC-I, pronounced men-sticky). Our primary mission w/in MNSTC-I is to organize, train, and equip the Iraqi Security Forces (ISF). Working w/ the Iraqis, MNSTC-I is responsible for taking new recruits through basic and specialized training. Within DoIA, our mission is to assist the Ministry of Interior (Iraq) to complete generation of professional, credible police forces (their words, not mine) while developing institutional capacity to acquire, train, develop, manage, sustain, and resource those forces, leading to self-reliance and maintenance of the rule of law in Iraq. Or the term the two-star used, Iraqi Good Enough (more on that later).
My little slice of heaven (Admin Support) is responsible for a myriad of tasks ranging from property book management, personnel management, postal operations, client support administration (CSA), records management, and a slew of other miscellaneous nonsense. As for my duties, I am the Information Management Officer (IMO, the Army’s equivalent to the Air Force’s CSA program) and SharePoint Knowledge manager. I’m also responsible for the general oversight of the day to day operation of the Admin Support section, i.e. I baby sit three junior enlisted Army soldiers to prevent them form doing something stupid (trust me, this is an every day job) . This last duty will seriously test my will to live, but more on the dynamics of my office later.
The trip over the pond wasn’t as terrible as some in the past. The plane left on time out of Baltimore and made its way to Ramstein Air Base, Germany. And my layover in Baltimore was made a little more enjoyable w/ a visit from my brother from another mother. Hey Darryel, thanks for making the trip from D.C. to BWI. I sure do appreciate the effort … that was awesome! Back to the trip … the APOD (Aerial Port of Debarkation) at Ramstein AB was very nice. There was an USO w/ access to the Internet, a Subway, and a very nice coffee shop. Thank God I grabbed something from Subway and the coffee shop to take w/ me on our next leg to Aviano AB, Italy, because no sooner had I gotten on the jet than we were informed that conditions down at Aviano AB were not conducive for us to depart. Thus, we were delayed for 2 hours unit the airfield reopened. Once we were cleared to travel, it took another hour to de-ice the aircraft. So that’s three hours sitting on the tarmac at Ramstein AB. Wait, it gets better …
Now we’re in transit to Aviano AB for what should be a 90 minute flight … well after circling Aviano for close to 3 hours we were finally diverted to Venice to land. And because of security issues, we were not allowed to exit the plane. So there we sat waiting for bus transportation to be arranged for the folks getting on/off at Aviano AB. Oh ya, did I mention we had several, SEVERAL, families on board w/ us. Ya, lots and lots of little kids under the age of three that A) didn’t really enjoy the trip across the pond, and 2) didn’t enjoy being cooped up on the plane since Ramstein. Needless to say, the service members headed down range were glad to see the little tykes debark in Italy.
Due to these events, we are now 6 hours behind schedule. And that actually turned out to be a good thing. We eventually landed @ Al Udeid AB in Qatar around 6 in the morning, which sure beats midnight. Once at Al Udeid, we were indoctrinated into the AOR (Area of Responsibility) w/ a multitude of briefings. What not to do in theater, what not to do in theater, and most importantly, WHAT NOT TO DO WHILE IN THEATER! First rule of Fight Club is that you do not talk about Fight Club and the second rule of Fight Club is that YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB! No pornographic material, no battery/hand operated boyfriends (BOBs/HOBs), no alcohol, no crystal meth, no fireworks, no propane or propane byproducts and so forth and so on. Fireworks … really … somebody in the past has tried to bring fireworks into the country. Really? Damn hillbilly! So after five hours of mandatory fun we were finally released to find our transitory tent and get some rest till the next leg of our trip.
Now let’s talk about the desert oasis called Al Udeid AB …
As you all know I am currently deployed over in the International Zone (IZ) in beautiful downtown Baghdad, Iraq. The crown jewel of Mesopotamia … the cradle of civilization … the epicenter for U.S. Armed forces in Iraq. I was lucky enough to land a gig working in the Admin Support section for the Directorate of Interior Affairs (DoIA), Multi-National Security Transition Command-Iraq (MNSTC-I, pronounced men-sticky). Our primary mission w/in MNSTC-I is to organize, train, and equip the Iraqi Security Forces (ISF). Working w/ the Iraqis, MNSTC-I is responsible for taking new recruits through basic and specialized training. Within DoIA, our mission is to assist the Ministry of Interior (Iraq) to complete generation of professional, credible police forces (their words, not mine) while developing institutional capacity to acquire, train, develop, manage, sustain, and resource those forces, leading to self-reliance and maintenance of the rule of law in Iraq. Or the term the two-star used, Iraqi Good Enough (more on that later).
My little slice of heaven (Admin Support) is responsible for a myriad of tasks ranging from property book management, personnel management, postal operations, client support administration (CSA), records management, and a slew of other miscellaneous nonsense. As for my duties, I am the Information Management Officer (IMO, the Army’s equivalent to the Air Force’s CSA program) and SharePoint Knowledge manager. I’m also responsible for the general oversight of the day to day operation of the Admin Support section, i.e. I baby sit three junior enlisted Army soldiers to prevent them form doing something stupid (trust me, this is an every day job) . This last duty will seriously test my will to live, but more on the dynamics of my office later.
The trip over the pond wasn’t as terrible as some in the past. The plane left on time out of Baltimore and made its way to Ramstein Air Base, Germany. And my layover in Baltimore was made a little more enjoyable w/ a visit from my brother from another mother. Hey Darryel, thanks for making the trip from D.C. to BWI. I sure do appreciate the effort … that was awesome! Back to the trip … the APOD (Aerial Port of Debarkation) at Ramstein AB was very nice. There was an USO w/ access to the Internet, a Subway, and a very nice coffee shop. Thank God I grabbed something from Subway and the coffee shop to take w/ me on our next leg to Aviano AB, Italy, because no sooner had I gotten on the jet than we were informed that conditions down at Aviano AB were not conducive for us to depart. Thus, we were delayed for 2 hours unit the airfield reopened. Once we were cleared to travel, it took another hour to de-ice the aircraft. So that’s three hours sitting on the tarmac at Ramstein AB. Wait, it gets better …
Now we’re in transit to Aviano AB for what should be a 90 minute flight … well after circling Aviano for close to 3 hours we were finally diverted to Venice to land. And because of security issues, we were not allowed to exit the plane. So there we sat waiting for bus transportation to be arranged for the folks getting on/off at Aviano AB. Oh ya, did I mention we had several, SEVERAL, families on board w/ us. Ya, lots and lots of little kids under the age of three that A) didn’t really enjoy the trip across the pond, and 2) didn’t enjoy being cooped up on the plane since Ramstein. Needless to say, the service members headed down range were glad to see the little tykes debark in Italy.
Due to these events, we are now 6 hours behind schedule. And that actually turned out to be a good thing. We eventually landed @ Al Udeid AB in Qatar around 6 in the morning, which sure beats midnight. Once at Al Udeid, we were indoctrinated into the AOR (Area of Responsibility) w/ a multitude of briefings. What not to do in theater, what not to do in theater, and most importantly, WHAT NOT TO DO WHILE IN THEATER! First rule of Fight Club is that you do not talk about Fight Club and the second rule of Fight Club is that YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB! No pornographic material, no battery/hand operated boyfriends (BOBs/HOBs), no alcohol, no crystal meth, no fireworks, no propane or propane byproducts and so forth and so on. Fireworks … really … somebody in the past has tried to bring fireworks into the country. Really? Damn hillbilly! So after five hours of mandatory fun we were finally released to find our transitory tent and get some rest till the next leg of our trip.
Now let’s talk about the desert oasis called Al Udeid AB …
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