Al Udeid

If the IZ is the equivalent to blue collar prison (or Federal pound me in the arse prison), then Al Udeid AB is the white collar equivalent. This is where all the folks from Air ETC (Air Education Training Command or Ain’t Even Thinkin’ Combat) go when they deploy. No need to bring a weapon, no need to wear your full battle rattle (Interceptor Body Armor w/ Kevlar helmet), no threat of incoming rockets or indirect fire, and no threat of any of the multiple types of improvised explosive devices (IED) currently on the market here in Iraq (more on those later). Nope, your one and only worry while in Qatar is that you must have a reflective belt w/ you at all times. AT … ALL … TIMES. Fear the Reflective Belt!

Seriously, I do not know how many times I was reminded to wear that damn reflective belt while I was at Al Udeid. Every briefer during inprocessing ended their briefing with the words “you must wear your reflective belt while you are here at Al Udeid.” This is insanity. “NO, THIS … IS … QATAR!” Now I can see the need to wear this reflective device while working on the flight line to avoid getting squashed by a C-130 or a C-17, but just to walk from your room to the DFAC (Dining Facility) or the BX (Base Exchange) is overkill. One, Al Udeid AB is better lighted than the street I live on in Ohio. And second, the Air Force has already equipped each member of the service w/ the greatest reflective device known to man … the Air Force PT (Physical Training) uniform.

The Air Force, through the use of space age polymers and technologies and with help from the lowest bidder, has a developed a fitness uniform w/ reflective piping that is visible from outer space. Other added features include the ability to blind oncoming motorist when headlights flash across the reflective piping and anti-stealth notification system that announces your arrival minutes prior to actually getting to your destination. The wicking feature on the shirts is nonexistent and the shorts were designed by Richard Simmons (can they be any shorter?). Other than that, it’s another great product sponsored by the United States Air Force and Cheapo Running Apparel Production. Note to Air Force officials … recruit Phil Knight to develop a cool PT uniform … I’m sure he’d come up w/ something cooler than this …http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:USAF_PT_Uniform.jpg.

Back to the Deid … another key feature at Al Udeid is that every individual stationed at or passing through is rationed three beers a day. Upon checking into Billeting (lodging) to get our tent assignments, an individual asked how many folks would like a ration card … you know I was first in line. Now, back in 2004 this was a pretty sweet deal. Three sixteen oz. cans from some of Europe’s big brewers … Carlsberg, Becks, Amstel Light, Tuborg, Smithwick’s. Oh how times have changed. The cans are smaller (12 oz.) and the names are much more American … Bud, Bud Light, MGD, Miller Lite. In their defense they did have Stella and Heineken available for the non-hillbillies in attendance. They also have an assortment of liquor available for mixed drinks. You know the little bottles of booze you’d find on most airlines or in hotel mini bars. And I do believe they have wine coolers and beverages of that nature as well. Any who, I enjoyed my three Stellas under the Bra.

Yes, you read that correctly. Al Udeid has a huge awning that from a distance looks like one of Madonna’s bras from her Blonde Ambition tour (ya, I Googled that!). And everyone and their brother hangs out there at all hours of the day or night. One, its right next to the alcohol distribution point and b) it’s one of the main Wi-Fi areas on the Deid. So no matter what time it is, this place is a buzz w/ activity. Imagine a Starbucks on a busy morning w/ everyone on their laptop connected to the Internet … now multiply that by 100! Seriously, it’s a like a paste eaters convention w/ everyone glued to their laptops. What’s really funny is half these folks can’t map to a network drive or open a PowerPoint presentation, but they can Yahoo Messenger like a pimply-faced thirteen year-old girl. Hell ya, go Air Force!